While writing up “Stories we want to see in 2008”, we came up with a few stories we just know we won’t see. Forgive our silliness, but we hope you enjoyed them as much as we did.
[10] Valleywag honoured at journalism awards: “In your face, Scoble!” declares Owen Thomas at the Pulitzer ceremony.
[9] FSF founder hired by Apple: Steve Jobs embraces Richard Stallman to the Cupertino bosom, announces iPhone will run GNU/Linux. Saint iGNUcius to keynote WWDC in June.
[8] “Web 2.0” phrase retired: O’Reilly Media issues formal apology at unveiling of their new “My Web is Bigger Than Your Web” conference.
[7] Microsoft announces intention to compete with Google on energy with a name that is searchable: Realizing Google made a major PR mis-step with an energy initiative whose name is not searchable on Google (Re<C), Microsoft announced its own initiative today, with Chairman Bill Gates saying “this will produce not one but two gigawatts of energy from renewables other than coal” as he unveiled Microsoft Renewable Energy for Enterprises 2008 (Premium Edition) and the accompanying ECMA specification for DRMed electrons.
[6] Press no longer allowed to compare a new technology to Napster: ISO declares Facebook the new web standard. Library of Congress retained as official standard for amount of information.
(5 through 1 below the fold)
[5] Google fires PR, lets employees speak for themselves: Move announced in post to Google PR blog, titled “First (and last) post”. ComScore estimates half the number of new web pages created in March were Google employee blogs.
[4] 3D printers drop below $200: Market size not expected to exceed one. Printer supplies industry booming, however.
[3] New web-based app from lightweight startup 37signals puts lead in
economy’s pencil: dollar up against Euro, housing market “stable”
pronounces Fed, and balance of trade with China positive for first
time in decade declares “astonished” Ben Bernanke.
[2] Internet sent to Senator Stevens on Monday arrives Wednesday:
replacement of reliable oil-powered Internet trucks with foreign
tubes blamed.
[1] AT&T found fully preserved in tar pit with consumer still in jaws:
“Rare and precious glimpse at how these noble giants must have lived”
says paleontologist.